Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Driving me to post...

I love to drive.  More accurately, I love to drive my little car, now that it is home after 6 weeks in the shop.  And, after driving for more than 37 years with no accidents and only 2 speeding tickets (which I know surprises everyone who has ever ridden with me), I'm starting to get a little cranky with those who seem to think that driving is an assumed right, instead of a privilege given to those who learn how to do it correctly in conjunction with respect for other drivers.  Therefore, I think it is only right that I share my collected driving wisdom.  (And feel free to read all italicized and bold words with the sarcasm with which they were intended.)

1.  Use your blinkers.  Please?  Pretty please with cinnamon and sugar on top?  I shouldn't have to beg, should I?  The lever is right there, within your pinkie finger's reach, in case you were wondering.

2.  Turn on your headlights.  If you're not sure whether or not to turn on your headlights, turn on your headlights.

2b.  Another repeatable gem from my pal Denise:  If your wipers are turning, your lights should be burning.

3.  Quit following me so closely.  Life is not a NASCAR track, and you are not Tony Stewart.  Let me share my favorite section from Chapter 5 of the Indiana State Driver's Manual:  SAFE FOLLOWING DISTANCE.  And yes, I have been know to scream these three words from the passenger seat to various loved ones.  Because I love them.  And my life.

4.  Sit up straight.  The driver's seat is not a La-Z-Boy.

5.  Center yourself before you put the car in gear.  Fasten your seat belt, choose your I-pod playlist, secure your Polar Pop, comb your hair and stow your phone before you pull out of your driveway so I don't have to watch you do all those things at the stoplight.  And at the next stoplight.

6.  If, for whatever reason, you must drive a scooter on a major thoroughfare, perhaps it would be best if you would keep to the right.  I'm only going to say this nicely once.  Next time, you're going to get such a look.

7.  Be nice to the farmers.  Believe me, they are going as fast as they can to get to where they need to be.

8.  Pull over and turn on your headlights for a funeral processions.  Don't they teach this in drivers ed any more?

9.  You are not a good enough driver to smoke, talk on the phone and drive safely all at the same time.  But don't feel too badly about that -- no one is.

10.  Pay attention.    11.  Pay attention.  12.  Pay attention.

Did I miss anything?

Peace.  Now put down your phone and Polar Pop and drive safely.

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